Nighttime Hosts Target Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Visa Program

TV's top hosts spent their evening mocking former President Donald Trump's newly unveiled visa initiative, called the "gold card," characterizing it as a obvious cash-for-residency scheme for the rich.

Stephen Colbert's Pointed Analysis

Kicking off his show, Stephen Colbert presented a mock holiday jingle about the commander-in-chief. "He's making a list, checking it twice, before handing that list to the officials at ICE," he intoned. "The President ... destroys all he comes into contact with."

The focus was the new plan which permits international citizens to purchase U.S. legal status for the price of a million dollars, or "top-tier" version for $5 million. An official website pledges processing "in record time."

"One note for you to affluent applicants: before you pay, have you considered Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He explained that the program is also designed to "extract cash" from firms wanting to hire foreign workers, with hefty costs. "That is a lot of fees, though if you register, you additionally get two free nights at a property of your choosing – provided that it's the a specific Marriott," he said.

"The most thorough background check the government has ever done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to verify these people absolutely are eligible to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Critique

On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the visa program the "Get Into America Express Card."

"This is a card that will let wealthy foreigners to live here," he said. "For a million bucks, you get official visitor status, you get a road to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one significant crime of your choice."

"Maybe it's time to update that message on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your huddled masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel mocked the simplicity of the form, saying it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"That's right, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Affordability Issues

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's declining poll ratings during financial worries. "People gave Donald Trump a another term since they were mad about the economy," he explained.

This week, in a bid to address cost of living, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a array of food items, where he reacted peculiarly to boxes of cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a ages."

"He is so fucking weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by targeting conservative news coverage of Trump's financial performance. "Maybe rather than complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy like the one FIFA did," he remarked.